In honor of my four year anniversary to joining the LDS
church, I decided to blog about my conversion into the gospel. I separated it
into two parts, one being my actual conversion and the other being the moment
when my life was fully centered around the gospel and around God.
Growing up we never went to church or never really learned
about God and Jesus Christ. I had a few friends who took me to their Christian
churches, but I never really understood who God was and what his plan was.
There were moments in my life where something would happen and I would think,
wow if God really did exist why would He let such cruel and terrible things
happen? Or if He was real, why not show up and actually help out this chaotic
world instead of stand back and let hell break loose. I started to resent Him
and really question if He was even real. There was a significant part in my
life where I had decided that God was NOT real and was just a big joke that
Christians would tell themselves because they rather “pray” than face their
actual issues. I stayed this was for a few years until I met a young return
missionary. She was my boyfriend-at-the-times sister and she had just gotten
home from her mission. We would get into respectful discussions about God and
the Mormon Church and she never once pressure me into learning more. I started
to have more and more questions and finally she suggested that I meet with the
missionaries. They were low on visiting new people and since I was really
curious about the church it just made sense to go to them. I will never forget
the first discussion I had. They explained to me about God and who He was. The
explained how much God loved me, regardless if I loved Him. They showed me
scriptures from the Holy Bible (NOT the Book of Mormon, the actual Bible). They
even had the guts to ask me to get baptized! (Which I politely explained I
would “think” about it). After that discussion it seemed like I had even more
questions. I continued to meet with them for about ten months. Within these ten
months I had learned so much about God and His plan. The biggest thing that I
had learned was praying. It was the first thing the missionaries really told me
to try. I was nervous to pray and felt quite dumb talking to myself, but in
time I started to feel something I had never felt before: the pure love of Christ.
True peace. And most importantly, REAL eternal happiness. As time went on, I
could not deny these things. I knew that getting baptized was the right thing
for me to do at that time in my life. On October 29th, 2011 I was
baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Better yet, on
October 29th, 2011 I had went from Atheist to Mormon. It was, at the
time, the BEST decision I had made. I remember walking out of the water and
crouching down, hugging my knees and crying. It was the first time in my life I
felt WHOLE. It was the first time I had felt so close to God. I knew He was in
that room with me at that moment and I knew that He was proud of me, just like
I was proud of myself. I won’t ever forget that feeling. The feeling of being pure
and clean.
I just want to explain something. I can’t scientifically
prove to you that God is real. He isn’t going to come down and show Himself to
those who doubt Him either. I can’t prove that the Book of Mormon is real and
true. I can’t explain why Joseph Smith was asked to translate the brass plates
either. I can’t sit down and tell you what happens in the Mormon temples and
why it happens. I can’t explain why tithing works and why it matters to God. I can’t
physically show you the Holy Ghost and all the blessings He has brought me.
There are a TON of things that I CANT PROVE. Why? Not because they are false,
but because that is how God works. If everything could be revealed and proven
as a hard cold fact, there would be no need for FAITH. There would be no need
for the Atonement. There would be no need for God. I used to be insecure when
people would ask me questions about the Mormon Church that I couldn’t explain.
I would get defensive, sensitive, and shut them out. I have finally come to the
conclusion that in this life right now, we are not meant to have all of the
answers and all of the knowledge. We are only meant to have pure charity for
one another and have enough faith to follow God’s commandments. I may not be
able to prove those things, but I know that they are true. I know this Church
is as true as it is me sitting here typing these words. God is real, and He not
only loves me, but loves you too. If you aren’t sure, just ask Him! I double
dog dare ya.
Four years ago I was a very lost and confused girl. I was
drinking almost every night, partying and lying and a whole bunch of other
stuff. I was greedy, selfish and ungrateful. I was mean and rude and had
realllly bad road rage. As of today I strive to be better than that. I have an
amazing husband who loves me, who is sealed to me for forever. I have a sweet
little girl who likes to make me cry and smile without even being aware she is
doing so. I still have road rage. I have happiness that I never thought was
possible. I have the atonement in my life every step of the way, and most
importantly I have God. I wouldn’t change anything about my path and I thank
God every day for His tender mercies. If it wasn’t for the “Mormons” I wouldn’t
have all these amazing blessings and I would most likely still be that same
lost and confused girl. I’m grateful for the opportunities that God has given
me, they have brought me where I am today and that’s a joy I never would’ve
known if it wasn’t for Him and this gospel.
