Body Positive

* For as long as I can remember, I've always hated my body. At the small age of 13, I remember thinking "I wish I could cut out my fat, so that way people will like me"*

Background:

Since the age of 12 (when I woke up with literally a C cup breast size, thanks puberty!) I have felt ashamed of my weight. I remember in middle school my parents got me a personal trainer and I would work out everyday with my mom after school. Still, I kept gaining weight. In high school I leaned out a little because I became more active and busy, I had less time in front of the TV. After high school, like everyone else, I gained MORE weight. It wasn't anything alarming health wise, but to me I became even more insecure with myself. I started to binge eat and would yo-yo diet. It was a terrible cycle that I was in and it only made me gain more weight. Fast forward to after I had my daughter, and I went through the terrible Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Anxiety, and what would be later figured out as Postpartum Rage. ALL different things but ALL very scary and real challenges. I completely forgot who I was and I just remember I would eat a family size bag of Rolos and Coke all day long to help cope with my out of wack emotions. I remember just how holding my three month old daughter was so hard on my body. I felt like a cooked noodle, having no shape, form, or strength. 

Present:

This year, I decided to embark on yet another healthy lifestyle weight-loss plan. This time however, I made it just as MENTALLY important as PHYSICALLY important, which is something I have never included. I assumed loosing weight was a physical thing only. (It's actually the complete opposite!). I started reading blogs about being body positive. I started following more women like Ashley Graham and less people like Kim Kardashian. (Which is a GAME CHANGER. You'll be surprised by the effect the people you follow have on you and your views!) 

I knew I wouldn't wake up one day and just love myself. So I took a tip from America Ferrera, and every time I heard my inner critic tell me I was fat, or ugly, or worthless, I would shove those thoughts out of the way and give myself a compliment. 

DISCLAIMER: I STILL have a hard time with this. I STILL get in funks where I let the inner critic get the best of me. I AM NOT PERFECT. Whenever this happens I try to remain positive. I have to remember, I have hated my body for about 65% of my LIFE, so learning to LOVE myself wasn't going to happen overnight. 

So here we are today, and this year I have been the MOST active. I have been healthy for longest time frame in my life. 

This being said: 

-I have DEFINITELY fallen off the wagon a few times

-I still haven't hit my goal weight

-I have only dropped ONE dress size

-I STILL have "binging" moments. 

(I'm sharing this because in order to move up, sometimes you have to fall down)

And guess what? Through all of that, I am SO much stronger than I have ever been. EVER. I can do 20 push-ups in a row. I can do a 50 min cardio workout without stopping. I can hold my 30 pound toddler around a grocery store and not get as worn out or out of breath. 

I have come to realize that Body Positivity is SO important when trying to loose weight. In the past I have thought, "you CANT do this" and now I am saying "I CAN"

Life is too damn short to be hating ourselves. "Body Confidence does not come from trying to ACHIEVE the 'Perfect Body', it comes from EMBRACING the one you already have."

I am so proud of this body I have. It's STRONG. It's FIERCE. It's BEAUTIFUL. If I can force myself to LOVE a body I have hated and been ashamed of most of my life, then anyone can. It takes daily reminders, and constant love. I still have bad days. I still cringe if I see a bad photo of myself. I still get insecure when my acne decides to blow up on my face. But that's OK, because I'm HUMAN. I just have to remember to not give up. I have to remember to tell my inner critic "SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP", because #aintnobodygottimeforthat

I'll end with one of my favorite quotes of all time:

"For what it's worth:

It's never too late to be

Whoever you want to be.

I hope you live a life you're proud of, 

And if you find that you're not, 

I hope you have the strength to start over"

   -F. Scott Fitzgerald 

Photo Credit: Shutterspark Photography