WARNING: Low Credit...

WARNING:

Low Credit..

The three words of hell, if you ask me. For our electricity payments, we chose the M-Power box. Most of you may know what this is, but to clarify, it is this box that sits in your home and you have a charge card that you go and put money on, then plug it into the box. Well, once the card hits a certain amount, the box starts to beep, to let you know to fill it back up. If you don't do it in time, the power shuts off until you go to the kiosk, put money on it, drive home, and plug it in. 

Last night it started beeping. Around 1am... now, normally I am asleep but lately I have been having a really tough time with life. I was awake, sitting on the kitchen floor eating chocolate, while my family peacefully slept. My mind was racing through all the events that had gone on: my daughter getting into one mess after the other, beauty school struggles, financial struggles, not feeling good enough, feeling like a screw up and so forth.

That's when the beeping started.

The straw had finally broke the camel's back. 

I started to cry, the soft kind where tears just pour out. 

Then it turned into a full on ugly-cry. 

(It's my time of the month, so I blame the hormones)

I started to become overwhelmed. I went online to read motivational church talks, and even edited some pictures. I read my scriptures and prayed really hard. It felt as nothing was helping, and yes I was already all out of chocolate. I finally pulled myself in bed and took deep breathes until I fell asleep.

The morning came all too soon, and when I woke, I still felt that little cloud over me. I read some more and prayed some more... Nothing was working. 

Then it dawned on me: I had hit my internal "WARNING: Low Credit..."

I had become so overwhelmed with life and all the stress it brings, I was running on E (for empty). As soon as I realized this, I told myself:

"Shelby, you are going to pick yourself up. You are going to be OK. You are going to keep pushing yourself, and not give up. Your "power" will NOT go out."

To all the women, or even men, out there who feel like you are running on E, and you are about to break.. I promise you, you won't. A lot of times, I think that I will FINALLY be happy and stress-free when we are out of debt, or have working cars, or when school is done, or when we have a bigger home, or when we get through the trial we are currently in.. but after last night, I realized that those things will follow us forever. Maybe not the exact same thing, but other burdens and struggles will come, that's a part of life. Instead of focusing on the "WARNING: Low Credit..." reminder, I should be focusing on when it IS full and being happy about that. Or happy that we have the funds to fill it up, when there may be others who don't. 

I have talked a lot about life, and how hard it is for me. But I think the important thing I have learned was to make sure to never let your "power" or "energy" get to it's low point. 

Just like a relationship should never be one sided and both need to feel loved, YOU need to love yourself back. YOU need to take the time each day to remind yourself that you can get through this. Don't wait for your happiness to come... Don't think you will be happy once the bills are paid... Take advantage of the time you have now to BE happy, right now. Tell yourself you are doing a good job. Make yourself a yummy breakfast every now and then. Take a look around your home and see all the good in it, instead of all the bad. Look at your kids as your greatest achievement instead of your biggest trial. 

There will always be bad in the world. There will always be mean people, hatred and envy. Take the time to be the good. Take the time to shine within the darkness of our world. You never know who's light you help ignite.